If you've been following my work for a long time, you've probably noticed that my public posts have shifted in tone over time from being solely about Tarot, astrology and mysticism, to being more focused on self-healing, cultural awareness and societal issues. It's something I get asked about a lot, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to talk about a more personal experience here - this is great if you're new to my work and you're like 'who is this perennially grumpy bruja and why doesn't she post more Astrology memes' (PS tag me if you love this, I save the filthiest for a select few)

To recap - I have been practising spiritually my whole life, since early childhood. Some of my earliest memories include the time I learned the word 'potions' (thank you Cousin Thomas!), trying to shapeshift into a cat (unfortunately there's photo evidence of this) and trying to 'heal' my dog with various handmade herbal remedies. Add in a hefty dose of native culture and studying all things witchy, historical and mystical from Feng Shui to Numerology while still in primary school and it's pretty natural I'd end up a fully-fledged bruja, right?

However, about five years ago I experienced what's called an 'ego death', brought about by a combination of debilitating fatigue, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder hitting its zenith and (cliche alert) being immersed in plant medicine in the wilds of South America.

An ego death is officially defined as 'the complete loss of one's self identity', and yes, it feels 100% like you're physically and emotionally dying. (A lot of people get permanently fucked up by this, which is why I recommend being SO CAREFUL and beginning with loads of therapy and self-healing before even LOOKING at plant medicine or shamanic work. Don't get me started on people with digestion and anxiety issues out here drinking cacao by the gallon..) The actual 'ego death' process itself lasted for around eighteen months.

If we consider the ego to be the part of us that interacts with the outside world - our beliefs and formed identity made up of things like our opinions, memories, judgements, ideas about ourselves and others and our body, our sense of self - it is the part of us that creates our version of reality. Ego itself isn't bad - I defy anyone who says it is - but TOO MUCH results in cruel, narcissistic and egotistical people whose reality is 'the whole world exists for ME only, I thrive on others suffering for my gain'. The ego, being almost like our spiritual epidermis (skin), is also the thing that desires money, fame, acclaim, validation, success, affection, attractiveness, and so on. Our ego stops us from energetically melting into the rest of the Universe, it's the thing that defines US (to ourselves) from everything else.

So! Having this 'die' sounds gruesome, right? I won't go into the gory details but what I found, over this period, was that my ego was dissolving away to the point where I saw myself only as a representative of the rest of humanity, not separate. My spirituality became less about something that defined ME and more about the experience of being human. And so naturally, in this process, a lot of old beliefs or spiritual/societal teachings turned into questions.

Things like... -What if your 'true soulmate' is a Somalian refugee and you'll never meet them because you keep voting against allowing asylum seekers into your country? -What's the point of identifying as a witch/bruja now, if you aren't actively standing against persecuted minority peoples/women? If that would mean that hundreds of thousands of 'witches' died in vain? -Are certain crystals high-vibrational if they've been mined by slaves who have died in the process? -Why do we benefit from 'mediumship' (i.e. being able to see/communicate with the dead/ those in Spirit) if we aren't utilising that wisdom to prevent suicide, war and poverty that killed so many before their time? -Why would a Native American chief be your Spirit Guide (not that this isn't possible, bear with me) when Native American girls in many areas are being kidnapped or becoming pregnant on average by age 11, because nobody is looking out for their safety or providing guidance in real time? -Why are we talking about cannabis as a wonder drug, but not campaigning to release/reintegrate the people previously incarcerated for use/distribution of it? -Why would any purchased 'hygge' product or Feng Shui placement give you 'good vibes' if you're going about your daily life in judgement and hate? - How is yoga the most popular and profitable type of 'fitness' in the Western world, when so much of India and East Asia is in poverty? -What if 'love' has nothing to do with displays of loyalty or affection, and everything to do with preventing a legacy of pain? Is it more loving to tolerate/ignore/allow abusive behaviour/beliefs, or to become a spanner in their works? -Why is the spiritual notion of 'abundance' to join the 1% of wealthy people, not only a statistically-impossible task but also ensuring that 99% of the world suffer; instead of redistributing wealth? -How are Tarot cards so freakishly accurate, unless they represent core experiences across the centuries that EVERY person has, to ensure their growth, using old knowledge to build new wisdom? -What if it's not about that single person's experience but about their version of a bigger lesson for humanity, giving them wisdom to add to that universal experience? - Why would all of the wisdom of the universe, all of the angels and beings and Gods and ancestors and Mother Nature, want one person to experience abuse to learn 'forgiveness' while another person gets to learn it from a nice book? - How can we shame anger, fear or negativity, when the Earth herself erupts when she is unbalanced?

It goes on and on. And actually, it didn't damage my spirituality - it strengthened it, because I had to take apart EVERYTHING that formed reality as I knew it, examine it, and put it back together. It became so clear that 'spirituality' had NOTHING, ultimately, to do with how many crystals you owned or how aligned your chakras were and everything to do with how you experienced your Spirit as part of the Spirit of humanity itself. Does that make sense? Because the second that you start thinking that you exist in a vaccuum - that you are fully separate from everyone and everything else, and that you can cleanse and elevate ONLY your spirit like you tidy just your apartment and sweep the debris to outside your neighbour's door (*neighbours, I don't do this FYI!)... you're exhibiting ignorant ego rooted in unhealed wounding, and not spiritual growth.

Which is ok! We all, still, have ego moments - it stops us from becoming, you know, Pisceans... (kidding). And the ego exists because we ARE physical humans here to enjoy human sensations - it IS nice sometimes to feel special or appreciated, attractive or liked or financial stable or important. For sure. But so much I see people in the spiritual, wellness, yoga or fitness industries who are so desperate for power and to feel special or different or better, because they believe this will 'elevate' them somehow from fear, loss, ugliness. (Perpetuating a modern version of old, hateful, often religious themes of 'the abusive elite vs the suffering peasants who worship them'.)The truth? It doesn't.

We ARE all, individually, special. We are unique. But we aren't separate - we are made of the same atoms and fibres as each other and trees and oceans. So spiritual or wellness teachings that involve someone becoming MORE separate and exclusive, are actually just... toxic ego teachings. And this is where people, year in and year out, find themselves in a cycle of pain, self-judgement and self-dislike. 'I'm trying to do all the right things and getting nowhere'. 'What's wrong with my manifesting?' 'Why do I not feel happy/satisfied/attractive?'. The answer isn't that YOU are doing something wrong, or that YOU can't desire and aim towards personal goals and growth. The answer is that it's not possible to be 'spiritual' and ignore the pool that you're in. You're not personally responsible for solving the world's problems on a global scale, no. But pretending that you a) don't exist in the world and b) that your contribution and presence in it, has no impact, is disempowering and misguided.

An ego death is a really bizarre time. Coming out of it was like crawling out of the ocean after millions of years - I still feel the water in my ears. What it did, though, was INFORM my spiritual practice. And it makes me laugh because new people are often surprised that I'm deeply 'spiritual' and so invested in mysticism, because I'm not out here bowing namaste to the server at Boost Juice or telling people about their aura or eating acai bowls. What they expect is for me to be signalling my 'spiritual specialness' in some way. When in truth my practice is so deep that those things aren't necessary beyond just, you know, existing. It's not about the 'fun' sparkly spiritual stuff. That's fun! And sparkly! And believe me, I looooove the sensory aspect of going into a patchouli-scented hippie shop for a palm reading or dancing under a full moon or just lighting some incense and sitting down with my Tarot cards. So you don't need to put those things away and I'm definitely not saying that your spiritual or wellness path is one of purely self-sacrifice and no fun or magic.

What is IS, though, is continuing your practice long beyond the tarot card or the yoga mat or the Red Tent. Understanding that YOUR path to love, success, romance, healing, growth, income, creativity, a healthy body etc... is one and the same with the rest of humanity. You aren't separate from humanity, you're one facet of a many-sided diamond. The rest of the humanity is reflected through you. And it's important to recognise your spiritual or wellness practice as such: rooted in your HUMANITY, not in your ego-desire to be MORE SPECIAL THAN EVERYBODY ELSE.

Your spiritual practice, psychic and healing abilities will only increase exponentially when you really ground down into the root of things (this is different from feeling guilty or like 'you're not allowed to do XYZ', think of it as ritual, honour, research). For example, what will be a more powerful energy cleanser - sage that's been imported from a over-harvested country, picked by an underpaid worker; or herbs you've grown yourself or bought from a local ethical market? What's going to make you a better yoga teacher, getting thinner and wearing the right labels, or exploring how to assist differently-abled people in your class? What's going to make you a better medium, drinking cacao in a red robe OR actually honouring your ancestral grandma's life lessons by addressing your addictions/unhealthy relationships that defined so much of her life? (This last one is a biggie. As I mentioned in my previous post, Spirit turns up when you a) LISTEN b) honour/invite them in and c) put the information into practice! It's such a pleasure to hone and ground your spiritual experience into something authentic and comforting, not just one cluttered by aesthetic/witchy/hippie signal items.

To conclude, the ego death was my path to understanding why it was so important to integrate 'the work' of humanity (combating racism, sexism, colonialism, hatred, ignorance and fear in all ways from body image to media consumption to relationships to career choice) into my spiritual message. For me it's not about getting more followers, or whether or not it's a full time business, or a book deal, or being seen as an expert or being lauded as a 'proper' Instagram-famous witch/healer from constant social media Tarot or astrology readings. More than once I've walked away from a 'big opportunity' for publicity or to be an 'influencer', because I'm not here for that. All of this stuff is fine of course, but like I said, it can't exist in a vaccuum.

It's not about me feeling/being seen as 'special' or 'aspirational', and I encourage you to step away from 'experts' in spirituality, wellness and fitness that purport themselves to be 'exclusive' or 'special' in a way that other mere humans are not. So often, 'special' equates to 'privileged' and no matter how knowledgeable or attractive that expert is, their true message is that they see THEMSELVES as the entitled taker, and YOURSELF as the giver. They see your lived experiences (whether that's feeling overweight, lost, grieving, poor, weak, lonely et al) that draw you to 'special' spiritual/wellness experts such as themselves, as simply fuel to make themselves more aspirational, for profit and validation. The more someone is 'missing the point' of their spiritual/wellness work, the more external, ego stuff they'll cling to - the perfect body or the curated feed or the 'relatable' admissions of feeling fat or being human too (without any effort to be self-aware), the labels, the piles of crystals, the insistence on certain diets or rules, the matching boho hippie decor, the expensive accoutrements, the sixteen different certificates, being 'qualified' in EVERY modality, self-titling, the spiritually-aesthetic partner, an obsession with 'the energies' or 'other people's drama' (never their own accountability in anything), the cultural or spiritual appropriation of clothing and items. They may mean well! They may be talented or gifted! This simply means they have work to do that they're bypassing. But dig deep into your intuition when you work with another person to see where their message is coming from. Remember: Healer, heal thyself.

At the start of every day and session I align myself: "May the messages that I receive or pass on today be truthful, accurate, compassionate, wise and helpful, may they be received with love, clarity and relief, may they be used always for the highest good".

Long may we continue doing the work. Long may we continue learning from people who came before us, both what to do and what to leave behind. Long may we continue adding wisdom, healing and effort to the pool of humanity in order for all of us to draw what we want and need from it.

Have you ever had an ego death or a kundalini awakening? I want to hear!

Some years ago, I received a free ticket to attend a sold-out talk by a pretty famous 'wellness' guy, *James. This dude was widely considered to be an expert in all things fitness, wellness, and health. He was coming to talk about success and mindset, the aim being to inspire and motivate the audience to do more and achieve more of whatever their version of success was. This guy was IT: Vegan, university-educated, tanned, super-fit, square-jawed, literal flowing golden hair, with a huge social media following and wealth brought about by his books, talks and tours.

This guy talked a lot about the process to becoming the 'alpha male' that he was, about how he made the money he did, how he motivated and pushed himself. He also talked about how he began on this path to wellness and wealth. As a teen he'd gotten into trouble, gotten a girl pregnant, borrowed money from friends to buy a car and crashed it, and commenced on a 10-15 year tour of self-destruction. As he described, he boozed and took out his inner misery on everyone from waitresses to friends, he cheated on multiple girlfriends, had affair after affair in his marriage, refused to listen to therapists or counsellors despite his wife's pleas until one day, after she'd left, a friend had introduced him to meditation.

The story continued on about how this successful, healthily-glowing man in front of us had healed his mindset to become one of a boss, of a success, a yogi, a wellness guru. More than one 'spiritual' woman (and others) in the audience were swooning, I mean, after all, who of us on a spiritual or empathic path hasn't at some stage dated or befriended or been related to some version of *James, and hoped that they too would find success and growth?

What I was interested in though, was another part of his story. And later on, another audience member raised his hand and asked, kinda-jokingly, if *James had ever gone back and apologised to all those girlfriends, his ex-wife or his parents.

James laughed at this and immediately said he hadn't "but he wished them well" and that he thought "they were happy for him and were just happy he was happy".

Say what now?

And this was the crux of what was really bothering me in this talk.

Accountability.

Why had the emotional labour, the stress, the fear or panic or anxiety or trauma or spiritual pain that these (mostly women, but this isn't gender-specific) partners and friends had experienced, been dismissed as just 'part of HIS journey'? The ones who had been cheated on or verbally abused and lost their self-esteem because of it, the ones who had performed poorly at work because they were driving around town searching for him all night, the ones who had been lied to or let down or made to witness drug rages or stoned incoherence or frightening behaviour? They were just supposed to... be happy for him that HE was rich and happy? Thassit? His lesson was to be successful (with help), and their lesson was to... attempt to be successful also while being stepped on, hurt and taken for granted? What kinda fuckuppery is this?

We were supposed to praise this guy for being successful, one who could face a room of people but not his exes or old friends to say sorry? This guy who talked about committing to a five year financial plan but couldn't commit to seeing his child once a week? The guy who talked about pushing past mental limits in yoga, but couldn't mentally put himself in the shoes of the people who had never been acknowledged for their care? This guy who talked about leaving a 'legacy for young men' but had no idea or care of the legacy of his worst behaviour on the people around him? This guy who preached compassion for animals but took the consumption of other people's time, effort, money and love for granted? The guy who talked about a 'massive collective human spiritual awakening', but had left so many wounded souls behind in his wake?

Why do we normalise the work that our partners or children or friends put in, when we're struggling or being self-destructive, as just 'collateral' in the process?

It's not about 'blaming' James* or wanting to go back in the past or not wanting him to be successful or happy. He, like most people, deserves happiness. Where it rankles is that HIS actions had damaged other people's journey to THEIR happiness and success, and he has power to repair that deficit.

It's about how fundamentally wrong it is, that we - especially in the spiritual or wellness realm - DON'T see accountability as a vital part of our healing and growth.

To be straight: Accountability and blame are not the same things. Asking for accountability is NOT 'playing the victim'.

Accountability is a vitally important spiritual and emotional process that allows us to take joint ownership of a problem, and allows us to take an active part in the repairing of it.

When native communities ask Governments to be held accountable for genocides and racism, they're not asking for 'special treatment' or a 'free ride'. What they're looking for is actively - together - carrying the joint burden of repairing the damage because it's not physically possible alone. The system (or person) in power, is the one who can set the record straight.

And when we ask for accountability from people who have caused us hurt or pain while in their own suffering, this isn't 'making things worse' or 'blaming them' or again, 'being the victim'. It's acknowledging that that person has power. Both to harm, and also to heal.

It doesn't mean you need to self-flagellate or sink into self-loathing because you've fucked up (because we all have). And in fact, I think that's WHY we avoid accountability in our 'personal development' process - because we only see it as punishment and feeling bad. It's easy to be 'accountable' to our fitness coach or our work boss because, if we do well, we come out of THOSE situations feeling fit or successful right?

It's much harder to be accountable to people who have given us their time, their energy, their care, their beds, their effort along the way. It's much more difficult to quantify emotional or spiritual labour, and that's why we don't understand it or value it enough.

And this is what was so obvious in seemingly successful *James, that no amount of green juice or yoga or passive income or followers could fix: every single one of his purported beliefs about spiritually and success were undermined by his inability to be accountable. By the end of the talk even the most swoony were having second thoughts. I say this not in judgement - again, who hasn't known, or been, someone like this? Where you've been everything from a nurse to a coach to a creative muse, quietly healing and nursing your own unmet needs while prioritising only theirs?

BUT:

What if we saw accountability as a way to exercise our power, our newfound wisdom, and even our ability to grow in self-compassion?

Ya, it doesn't feel great... initially. Especially if accountability means reaching out to someone who you may have unintentionally hurt in the past, and potentially opening yourself up to an outpouring of their feelings. But you know what? Clean wounds heal smoothly. Like a sore muscle, flexing your ability to be accountable makes it grow and makes it easier to show up in your life and relationships, and for others to be accountable to you. Accountability is a MUST for spiritual connection & growth.

Let's choose the hour of awkward, apologetic conversation and listening -- than the years of poison that unacknowledged suffering can entail. Let's choose, your ex thinking you're a weirdo for reaching out after five years, instead of your ex spending ten years carrying the burden of feeling like they're stupid or unattractive or unworthy or whatever pain they experienced. That old friend may still be mad if you take accountability for that thing you did - and that's okay. You'll grow bigger, and more compassionate, and ultimately, so will they.

But when you think that you don't need to show accountability for the things you've done or said, you undermine your own power. The message that you're putting out to the Universe is that you don't BELIEVE that you have any power or impact over how another person feels or lives. And if you don't believe that, how do you expect to believe it when good things show up? How do you expect to feel powerful and successful in your own life/career/relationship if you're clinging to this hidden belief that you're not significant enough to have the power to hurt or heal someone? You are powerful enough to impact how a person feels physically, emotionally and spiritually.

When you hurt or let someone down, it means that they cared for you. And THAT is what you're being accountable for. THAT is what has the healing power to acknowledge. So you behaved like an idiot when you were drinking? Maybe it's time to say to them (not, 'I'm a terrible person' because you're not) - "thank you for caring for me, when it wasn't easy. Thank you for spending your time and energy on me at that time when it was particularly hard to do so." Can you see the difference? Lets ditch the idea of accountability being some kind of childlike punishment (or involving abandonment, rejection, violence or trouble), and lets embrace it as part of our spiritual work in exercising our power to be a part of the healing process of others.

Acknowledging the impact we have had on them allows us to carry some, not all, but some - of their burden. Knowing that along our path, we have had people that extended time and care and love or interest in us, for a short or long period of time, who witnessed our journey. And let's be thankful for them.

In this last week or so of Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio, take the opportunity to free yourself and grow EXPONENTIALLY in this supercharged healing atmosphere, and be accountable to the people who need it. It can be an apology, it can be listening, it can be a card of acknowledgement. It can be flowers to people that have helped you, it can be a text or a DM. It can be offering to pay for counselling, it can be making a tangible contribution to making their life easier - chores, a financial donation, support in their education, health or wellness journey.

Being accountable doesn't make your current success, position or life circumstance less worthy or stable. It has the effect of, actually, making you feel more whole and deserving. The worse you feel about letting people down, the more deeply you can feel into how cared-about you were, are, and WILL BE.

If I have encountered you on my way, in this work, especially as a client - I have learned something from you. I am so happy when you succeed and so understanding when you don't.

I'm grateful to you.

Ho'oponopono (Hawaiian)

To make right:

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

I love you.

Something I get asked about a LOT are how to interpret or understand signs and symbols that appear in daily life. What's so amazing is that, if you know how to look or take notice, life will constantly bombard you with signs, symbols and validation to understand (and even predict) your path.

As spirituality and even witchcraft/brujeria has grown, expanded and become influenced by social media, trends and aesthetics; I've watched over the years as 'signs' become more and more complex and convoluted. It's a little worrying because it fosters exclusivity, and also takes us out of ourselves, handing our power over to someone else to determine if we'll be okay - I stopped doing Full Moon or New Moon posts because literally, every time, I'd have 25 inbox messages going "But what does this full moon mean for meeeeee?!?!?!" from people in such a state of panic from the information overload.

So let me talk to you about receiving 'signs'. These can be numbers, animals, items, music, smells, signs, overhearing conversations... oh and also, once you're open to them, they will rain on you FOREV. I'm not kidding. Somedays I leave the house with no contact lenses in, and noise-cancelling headphones on, so that I can witness LESS. Good times!

First up:

SIGNS ARE DESIGNED FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND THEM.

Think about this: in the spiritual realm, beyond limits of language and words, we aren't bound by specific little semantics. So it makes me laugh when I hear of a spiritual guru saying something like 'seeing the number 623 means that your stepmother is wishing ill will on you' or 'if a feather lands on you it means that you need to quit your job and become a healer'. Not because those things couldn't possibly true (nothing is beyond the realm of possibility!) but because the earth, the Universe, the ancestors (this extends to what you might call God, Allah, your angels, intergalactic or celestial beings, Ascended Masters, Mother Nature) simply don't operate in that pernickety, limited, complicated way.

I had a client once who mentioned that a medium had told her that her mother (in spirit) would visit whenever she (my client) saw a robin. And that she felt sad because she hadn't seen a robin in three years, and did I think her mother still visited? Bless her, she was clearly feeling vulnerable and missing her dear Mum. However, my client was also... on a work secondment (and had been for over two years) - in South America. A continent on which there are... no robins.

Don't laugh! In this situation, what her (probably really well-meaning) psychic had a responsbility to do was not 'prove her gift' by predicting and defining only this mythical robin as a sign, but working with her client to find a way to communicate with her dear departed Mum, so that she could take comfort and feel connected and indeed, experience her Mum's wisdom - wherever she was in the world. Without needing to book in and pay various mediums and psychics and healers. That is the REAL spiritual work, do you see the difference?

Together we worked on setting up an altar and actively 'calling in' and acknowledging her Mum in her day-to-day routine - playing her favourite song in the car every afternoon, displaying a bottle of her favorite perfume. My client months later reported that she was seeing signs EVERYWHERE, whenever she needed support, and had made some really big life changes based on those messages and was doing really well. The signs were probably there all along, but she was too busy looking for that damn robin in the middle of a sweaty Latin American city.

If we define a 'sign' from the Universe (and all beings as above) as an unusual or repeated symbol appearing on our path, we can trust that it IS designed for us to understand the message based on what we know already and what we've experienced in our lives. For example, the smell of baking peanut cookies may be a sign for YOU that your grandmama in spirit is nearby and supporting you. It means nada to me. For another person, it may be the smell of menthol cigarettes (their grandmama's vice). There is no singular 'Universal Ghostly Granny Signal' so when we really run rings trying to over-interpret signs and repeated symbols, we tend to lose the messaging that is meant for US.

So what I'd suggest first of all, if something appears to you like a 'sign' and you have no idea what it means - sit with it. Don't overthink or go ham on Google just yet or start getting tooooo cosmically complex. Think about how that symbol relates to your childhood or your daily routine, or how it behaves. For example, that laughing kookaburra bird that you keep suddenly seeing on your morning walk to the train station? Do you need to laugh more? Do you actually need to stop more? Do you need to stop taking your working life so seriously; is it maybe leaking into your personal value system (as in, you are valuing yourself as a person based on how your boss responds to you or how many looks you attract from other commuters)? Do you need to respect how fickle, how silly, this system is in order to stay sane in it? Kookaburra may have all of these messages for you.

Think about books, think about nursery rhymes, think about the basic structures of things, think about how that animal acts or its family behaves or its body moves. You have more absorbed knowledge and spiritual wisdom than you think you do.

(*Also, and I think this requires saying - it's important to be mindful and in a state of learning, when interpreting symbols that may be rooted in another culture, especially if sharing with someone else. Spiritual wisdom is universal, but more than once I've had an Australian/British 'guru' quote something about, say, goddess Kali Ma or Quetzacoatl that they've only picked up from a Doreen Virtue oracle deck, and not any schooling or mythology from a Hindu/Mesoamerican-descended person or book. There's deeper understanding to be had, don't ever be afraid to learn more from the source).

A handful of years ago, I was STALKED by the numbers 44 and 144. I'm not kidding, they would appear dozens times a day. I even changed my phone number twice and both ended in 144. Every single online order, or receipt, or booking confirmation, ended in 44. My phone and email both would only allow messages in at 44 minutes past the hour. It. Was. Everywhere. And although, yes, there are fairly complex spiritual assignations to the number "144" that were relevant, the repetition of the number 4 is what got me thinking.

Broken down to its simplest form, 4 represents the sides of a square/rectangle. It's the number that represents the house, our foundation. And what I was doing that year was, literally, rebuilding my own personal foundation. The repeated number 44 became my sign, my reminder, that this is what I was doing and that everything that happened to me that year was an opportunity to take apart ANYTHING that wasn't right - no matter how glossy or perfect or seemingly opportunistic it was - and just focus on rebuilding my 'home' within myself, my physical, emotional and mental foundation. Basically I broke everything down to "there is no way that you will survive your whole lifetime in this body and brain if you keep on like this, no matter how much money you make or how high you climb or how fit you get. You need to learn to be at home in your life and your beliefs and your mind. It ain't about THEM, baby girl".

It wasn't about who said what or thought what or how much money or how good a thing would look. Any time I was tempted to get 'outside of myself' and either get swayed by a proposition or an idea or a person that was glamorous but flaky, I'd see that 44 and get right back to work. It sounds weird to say that a recurring number was my greatest spiritual support during that year... but it truly was. It wasn't a fun year, by any means (nor is laying the foundation of a house anywhere near as exciting as purchasing decor and hosting dinner parties!) but I developed, at last, some super-honed new foundations in terms of my sense of my own value, my physical strength, how I existed in workplaces and relationships and how I defined my boundaries. All necessary lessons that it would be way too easy to sidetrack for trying to over-achieve and impress and do other, non-foundational things that year. And all of which I've built amazing things on in the years since for myself and others. All from two numbers driving me batty!

So think about this! There's a lot of 'gurus' out there who tout seeing 11:11 as the one and only sign of a 'spiritually awakened person'. And not that 11:11 or even 22:22 isn't a special number vibrationally but - you're not MORE 'awakened' if you do see this, or 'less' if you don't. What if you're a shaman in a traditional tribe that doesn't have a written language? What if you're powerfully intuitive.. and illiterate? Or blind? This might sound ridiculous but you see my point - a sign IS meant to be understood and WILL appear in a way that YOU best access the meaning (with a little understanding and contemplation, of course).

9:11 is a number folks tell me that they see a lot. What does that mean to you? If you're in the Western World, there's probably two main affiliations - the USA's emergency number, and also, of course, the 9/11 World Trade Centre attacks. What themes can you take from this, personally, it it appears for you? The desire or ability to help others? Your own power (if you step into it) to change a painful situation? Could it be time to seek a helping profession, to seek help yourself, or even to simply reconnect to HUMANITY itself and the experience of being human, without needing a tragedy to bring you to your knees first?

Another one is seeing 123. Seeing this a lot? Break it down! It probably reminds you of the Jackson Five ABC song, if you're like me. 'Easy' would be a key word here to think about. Where do you need to go easier or begin anew? Or, more deeply, the experience of being a child, your school experience or first experience of learning, perhaps time to embark on a new learning now and risk knowing nothing. It may be easier than you think.

If you work with symbols (say, in Tarot or oracle cards), don't be afraid to build more personal affiliations with particular cards based on your lived experience. Again, don't think you need to go ham on the cosmic complexity! The most accurate answers are usually the simplest. For example, the Empress card in Tarot usually represents the 'Mother' archetype. For me personally, when interpreting for myself, Empress represents my own personal process of self-love and nurturing, my experiences with fertility and healing and comfort. Despite the 'rules', it doesn't to me represent MY mother. My own mother appears as the Hanged Man card - for a long time this card used to fall out of my deck at the mere mention of my mother and one day, many years ago, I realised that the Hanged Man card did literally signify my mother in ways that only I personally would recognise - her work uniform in matching colours to the HM, her halo of golden hair, and even the fact that she lives, literally 'Down Under' - like the upside-down HM. The Hanged Man, when it appears a lot in my own readings, has acted as my sign to check on my mother.

Sometimes with cards, (and I teach this a lot in my Tarot courses) it helps to stand back and look at each card as a very simple picture like a flash card with numbers. What does the number 2 mean to you? Two people in a relationship, the Yin/Yang symbol, two halves, pairs, night and day... see how much meaning you can glean from keeping it simple? Maybe the Two of Cups reminds you of your first coffee date with your girlfriend, or giving a toast at your sister's wedding and how that made you feel. As a lesson, what could you take from that personally?

There's a lot of other ways that you may experience 'getting a sign' - funny-shaped clouds, hearing a particular song lyric, even the ubiquitous meaningful car number plate while stuck in traffic! Some people do get feathers and music and feelings of love, some people pick up a book or a Chinese takeaway menu and find a few profound words they needed to hear. Once, my sign was getting hit by a truck. Literally. Scroll down through my IG a year or so to read that story! My grandmother also told me that when she died, she planned to 'let me know' by sending me an EAGLE. I had to let her know that if I was at work in a skyscraper in Britain and a screeching eagle came shattering in through the window as a 'sign', I'd probably die of shock on the spot and/or lose my job. She finally agreed to tone it down and 'send me a sign' by appearing as a bird on my window. (What can I say? She's an Aries...)

Keep that in mind though - if you're looking for a sign, allow it to show up in ways that would make sense for you. 'Follow the feeling' if you feel compelled to walk a different path, to watch a certain film or stop and read that graffiti on the wall. There are signs and symbols all around to help you, if you create space for them to appear. The more 'natural' items you interact with - fresh food, dance, art, being outdoors, having plants or pets, even conscious breathing - the more in-tune you'll be.

Now finally! Do you want me to tell you the most overlooked, the most profound and powerful message that is coming to people? The thing that more people than I can count, need to know? The message that is probably for you right now, if you keep seeing signs but have no idea what they mean?

PAY ATTENTION.

It is:

PAY ATTENTION.

Seriously. That's it. In the age of experiencing everything through social media and smartphones and insane clickbaits, our ability to pay attention to ANYTHING for more than a second, has suffered.

So when you keep seeing '6278.43' every single day or the word HOTDOG keeps appearing in your daily life or you keep finding butterflies in your kitchen or an abandoned child's sock on your desk (that happened to me once)... it's not that the Universe wants you to magically calculate a deeply cosmic download of complex factoids. It may not even be about the SIGN itself, if you've thought about it and cannot glean a single meaning from it.

Sometimes I see people get all up in arms with either hysterical excitement or panic because their 'sign' has been interpreted to mean something, usually disempowering or disembodying. Think THAT PERSON on your feed who is convinced her married neighbour is her soulmate/twin flame because she keeps seeing 22:22 and hearing the name 'Darren'. You know what? He might be. BUT he IS also, currently, not available. So the sign may simply be a reminder of that. Or, indeed, any other 'sign' that forces you into a 'waiting anxiously' position for this cataclysmic THING to occur. No no no. Be present in your life in its current form. Getting out of your body & current existence is only getting out of your power.

Your sign, in this case, is to pay attention. If you want your life, body, mind, money and relationships to improve - which they may be about to - you need to start, right now, with PAYING ATTENTION. Learning how to stop what you're doing, put your judgements or ego or fears aside, and just... watch. Watch yourself. Watch your thoughts; how fast they are, how frantic or stern they might get. Watch how you interact with others when you feel good or upset. Pay attention to your children or your partner - without recording on your phone. Pay attention to that concert or museum without photos - make a memory instead. Pay attention to the sign, to the sunset, to the weather or the season, to your posture, to yourself right now in your life and body. Stop being so self-conscious! PAY ATTENTION instead. There's something in your life trying to get your notice that you may not yet be aware of. (And remember - everything in the Universe happens FOR us, as a gift to appreciate and share, or as an opportunity to correct, mitigate and grow - a sign is only going to help you with either of those GOOD things).

The fact is that we cannot move with grace and ease into a new phase of our life, if we aren't paying attention to it as it is right now. The fact is that life seemingly passes much more quickly, if we don't store things in our memories that effectively 'break up' the time (This is why school seems to last forever in childhood, because our memory is constantly recording minutae). And as people become ever more disconnected, and more and more folk are awakening and yearning for interaction, relationships, joy, understanding, love, a feeling of success... paying attention is the single most profound skill that we need, in order to do so.

So when you're receiving a sign of some kind, you don't need to overcomplicate with some complex cosmic interpretation from Magical Goddess MoonBabe on Instagram. Keep your interpretation simple and profound. Start with taking it as a reminder to pay attention to your life. Something is likely coming, that you'll really want to see, and the Universe wants you to be present to experience every moment of it.