• Laura Knight

I have been continuing the Counselling Alphabet on my social media.

In my last blog I gave you letters A-F. Today I give you letters G-M.

To read more of these pieces of bite size info on counselling and mental health head to my facebook or instagram pages https;//facebook.com/seeclearcounselling or instagram.com/seeclearcounselling

 

Gold letter G for GriefGold letter G for Grief
Letter G is for Grief

 

G is for GRIEF

An emotion that can be extremely difficult to manage.

The dictionary describes GRIEF as intense sorrow, caused by someone’s death. But GRIEF is so much more than this. GRIEF can be experienced by the loss of anything. The loss from a relationship breakdown, loss of a job, illness or disability leading to loss of who you once were, loss of dignity.

Grief is a natural response to loss but is experienced differently by different people and the length of time to recover from grief varies.

In 1969 Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, in her book ‘On Death and Dying’ suggested we go through 5 stages of grief.

1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance

Not everyone experiences all these stages and not everyone goes through the stages in this order. The stages may last different lengths of time for different people.

The key to understanding grief is realizing that no one experiences the same thing. Grief is very personal, and you may feel something different every time. You may need several weeks, or grief may be years long.

If your emotions from GRIEF are so intense you feel you can’t go on, or if you can’t cope with your day-to-day life it is important to get support and a

 

Gold Letter H for HelpGold Letter H for Help
H is for Help

H is for HELP.

So many of the clients who come to me tell me how difficult it was to seek HELP and yet,once they did, were so pleased they had taken the step.

Why is asking for HELP such a difficult thing to do? Many look at it as a sign of weakness

*You may be too embarrassed *You may be scared *You may not want people to know the mask you have been wearing *You don’t know how to ask for help *You don’t want to burden others with your problems *You worry about what others will think of you

 

HELP can come in so many different ways, but asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it can actually be the strongest thing you do.

Confident people often ask others for help, not only because they’re secure enough to let it be known they need help but they know that trying to do everything themselves can leave them feeling overwhelmed and stressed and then they can’t do things properly. Asking ‘Can you help me?’ shows respect for the other person’s knowledge and abilities.

Asking for HELP means you're strong enough to admit you don't have all the answers. And that's a real sign of strength. It means you're trying to deal with uncomfortable emotions, like humility, fear, and embarrassment, head-on. It also means you're willing to be vulnerable.

Many of my clients tell me they have been struggling with their problems on their own for so long that they have become overwhelmed with them. Finally asking for help feels like a weight has been lifted and they can start to see things more clearly. Sharing a burden lessens the impact it has on you.

 

 

Gold Letter I for InsecurityGold Letter I for Insecurity
I is for Insecurity

 

I is for INSECURITY.

INSECURITY is something we all feel at certain times in our life, public speaking, dating, a new job, can potentially give us all feelings of INSECURITY

But what if that feeling of insecurity is with you constantly, living with fear and having no confidence in yourself or your abilities.

This can be crippling and prevent you from being able to enjoy life to its fullest.

Feeling insecure, consistently, has an effect on your self-confidence and your self-esteem leading to feelings of ‘not good enough’ and worthlessness.

A recent survey found that 60 percent of women experience hurtful, self-critical thoughts on a weekly basis. * You’ll never accomplish anything. * What’s the point in even trying?

Life events can lead to this feeling of INSECURITY, and if this feeling is short term it may be manageable, but if this feeling won’t go away then counselling can help you look at things from a different perspective.

You can gain a better understanding of your inner critical voice that contributes to this feeling and find ways to increase your self-confidence, your self-esteem and self-belief

 

Gold Letter J for JealousyGold Letter J for Jealousy
J is for Jealousy

 

J for JEALOUSY. Jealousy is a complex emotion, it is often a combination of emotions, anger, frustration, sadness. JEALOUSY is usually aroused when you perceive a threat to a valued relationship.

JEALOUSY will always involve a third person, this is different to envy which only occurs between 2 people. Envy is wanting something someone else has, jealousy is a fear of losing something valuable to someone else.

JEALOUSY is a very common emotion, we will all experience it at some time. It can bring out the worst in us. However if it consumes you and creeps into every aspect of your life then you may want to seek help.

 

 

There are many different types of jealousy

*Romantic Jealousy- this is probably the most frequently experienced type of normal jealousy

*Work or Power Jealousy- ie missed promotions, salary levels etc

* Friend Jealousy-the fear of losing a friend, often seen in adolescence

*Family Jealousy- sibling rivalry is typical of this

However there can be *Abnormal Jealousy This can be described as morbid, psychotic, pathological, delusional, or anxious jealousy and can be as a result of extreme insecurity or mental illness.

Experiencing jealous feelings occasionally is part of human nature. However it can be possible to control jealousy through honesty, trust, talking through your emotions and being more aware of your negative thoughts so they do not unnecessarily build up to overwhelming jealousy.

If you feel you are experiencing abnormal jealousy and jealousy consumes you constantly then seeking help could be useful to you.

 

Gold Letter K for KindnessGold Letter K for Kindness
K is for Kindness

 

K is for KINDNESS

Simply put, KINDNESS is being nice to others and to yourself.

*KINDNESS is being generous with others, giving your time, money, and talent to support those who are in need. *KINDNESS is being compassionate, which means to really be there for someone, listening intently to their suffering or just sitting with them and silently supporting them. *KINDNESS is also being nurturing and caring to others — to enjoy doing favors for them, to take care of them, and to perform good deeds. *KINDNESS includes being kind to yourself. Do you treat yourself kindly? Do you speak gently and kindly to yourself and take good care of yourself?

Kind individuals believe that others are worthy of attention and affirmation for their own sake as human beings, not out of a sense of duty or principle.

It is said that KINDNESS has many benefits including increased happiness and a healthy heart. It slows down the aging process and improves relationships and connections, which indirectly boosts your health.

The Science of Kindness from Random Acts of Kindness Rowland and Curry (2018) found that

*After seven days of performing kind acts, happiness increases And *There’s a positive relationship between the number of kind acts and the level of happiness someone feels

The way you think about and treat others is often the way you think about and treat yourself. So choose to be kinder towards others to, over time, become kinder andmore understanding of yourself.

 

Gold Letter L for LonelinessGold Letter L for Loneliness
L is for Loneliness

L for LONELINESS

As social beings the need for rewarding social contact and relationships is important. When our need for this type of contact is not met we can experience feelings of isolation and LONELINESS

You don’t need to be physically alone or cut off to feel lonely.

Being alone is not the same as feeling lonely. Choosing to be alone can be restorative.

The feeling of loneliness isn’t a choice. It comes from a feeling of being disconnected

The latest official government figures suggest that just under half of adults in England experience loneliness occasionally or more often.

Perhaps surprisingly despite the growth of social media and the wide circle of connection via social media by young people, data suggests that younger people are more likely to report feeling frequently lonely.

Long-term loneliness can lead to a number of mental health problems, and increase the risk of developing certain health conditions.

Some people experience deep and constant feelings of loneliness that come from within and do not disappear regardless of their social situation or how many friends they have.

There are many reasons people experience this kind of loneliness.

* The feeling of being unable to like yourself or to be liked by others.

* A lack self confidence which may come from having been unloved as a child so that, as an adult, you continue to feel unlovable in all relationships.

* A conscious or unconscious isolation within relationships because you are afraid of being hurt.

If LONELINESS is a new feeling, perhaps due to a change in circumstances, talking about your loneliness can help.

If your feelings of LONELINESS are with you constantly despite your connections with others counselling may be able to help you explore this.

 

Gold Letter M for MindfulnessGold Letter M for Mindfulness
M is for Mindfulness

M is for MINDFULNESS

Mindfulness practices are not new and have origins in the contemplative traditions of Asia, especially Buddhism.

Mindfulness is the ability to be fully present, aware of where you are and what you are doing, and not get overwhelmed by what’s going on around you, being free from distraction or judgment.

Mindfulness practice involves developing the skill of bringing your attention to whatever is happening in the present moment and having an awareness of your thoughts, feelings and sensations Gradually you can train yourself to notice when your thoughts are taking over, and realise that thoughts are simply 'mental events' that do not have to control you. Most of us have issues we find hard to let go of and mindfulness can help us deal with them more productively

Research suggests people who incorporate mindfulness into their lives often report heightened levels of happiness, patience, acceptance, and compassion, as well as lower levels of stress, frustration, and sadness.

Counselling can help you understand how to introduce mindfulness into your life to help you cope better.

 

Look out for my next Blog with letters N-T. Or visit my social media sites to read more.

 

Laura Knight Dip Couns, MBACP is a qualified and expereinced counsellor based in Poole Dorset, Her private practice Seeclear Counselling offers affordable, professional counselling when you need it most.

https://www.seeclearcounselling.co.uk

At Seeclear Counselling I offer evening and weekend appointments from my comfortable therapy room in Parkstone, Poole and would be happy to talk to you about how we can work together to manage your symptoms and help you back to full mental health, whether you have suffered a knock back, or feel you may have been struggling for a while.

I specialise in working with anxiety and trauma.

Please call, text or E-mail me to book an appointment 07975 733029 laura14k@gmail.com

 

 

  • Laura Knight

 

On my Social Media I have been going through the counselling alphabet.

These small sound bites just give you a flavour of certain areas of mental health or counselling

Here I share letters A to F.

If you want to continue understanding more about mental health and counselling then follow me on Facebook https://facbook.com/seeclearcounselling or Instagram.com/seeclear_counselling

 

 

Gold letter A - A is for Anxiety

 

So let’s start with A for ANXIETY

ANXIETY is a normal and healthy emotion. However if worry and fear about things become overwhelming and impact on your daily life then you need to do something about it. If anxiety starts to take control you will probably experience some of these physical symptoms on a regular basis

*increased heart rate *pins and needles *hyperventilating *palpitations *feeling sick *choking sensations *tension headaches *hot flushes *sweaty palms

There are a number of anxiety disorders

• GENERALISED ANXIETY DISORDER (GAD) you will feel anxious most days and worry about lots of different things

• SOCIAL ANXIETY you have a fear of being criticised, embarrassed or humiliated by others

• PANIC DISORDER you will experience intense and uncontrollable feelings of anxiety combined with physical symptoms. It may feel like you are having a heart attack

• OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER (OCD) you will experience intrusive thoughts & fears & to relieve this you will carry out repetitive behaviours & rituals

•POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD) if you have experienced a traumatic event you may experience flash backs & triggers & avoid things related to the event.

If you feel Anxiety is a problem for you seek help from your GP or a counsellor, who can help you find ways to manage it

 

Gold Letter B B is for Belief

 

B for BELIEF. Everyone has their own beliefs and your beliefs may differ from someone else’s. So where do your beliefs come from? You learn them through life. Growing up your beliefs will often come from the adults around you, what they believe, they teach you and as that’s all you know, it then becomes your belief too. However as you grow and mature you may find these beliefs are not useful to you anymore. As a boy if you fell down and hurt yourself you may be told “big boys don’t cry”. If you are told that enough, it becomes your belief.

You may proudly show your school work to your parents to be told “that’s not good enough”. If you are told that enough, it becomes your belief.

You may show off your skills to others and be told “don’t show off”. If you are told that enough, it becomes your belief.

Do all your beliefs still apply to you today.

Maybe you are now a successful business person, but still think you are “not good enough”.

Maybe you are going through really hard times, but won’t tell anyone because “big boys don’t cry”.

Maybe you have an amazing voice and want to be a pop star but are prevented from trying because you don’t want to “show off”

Are the beliefs you had all your life useful to you now. If not it’s time to start changing them.

Often we are unaware of these unconscious beliefs and wonder why life is so hard, counselling can help you uncover and explore these beliefs and change them to beliefs that are more helpful to you in the here and now.

 

Gold Letter C C is for CBT

 

For the letter C we are looking at

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

 

There are many different types of counselling and therapy and they all offer something different.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is based on working with the way you think and interpret life events and how this can affect your behaviours and the way you feel. Understanding it’s not the events themselves that upset you, but the meaning that you give to them.

It is a collaborative therapy between you and the counsellor working towards a specific goal, and requires your active involvement to gain results.

Through the collaborative working with your counsellor you will learn that while you cannot control everything that happens to you, or in the world around you, you can take control of how you interpret these and deal with them.

CBT helps you identify and change your thought patterns and behaviours that may contribute to your difficulties and the emotions you subsequently feel.

The tools and techniques you learn in your CBT sessions can become part of your daily life to help you understand how changing the way you think and behave can continue to increase a sense of well being for you.

CBT is a research based therapy that has been shown to be effective in treating anxiety and depression.

Unlike some other talking therapies it focuses on your current problems, rather than contributing issues from your past.

I use CBT alongside other talking therapies and have certainly found it very useful to use with anxiety and depression. If your problems stem from a traumatic past then I would probably work in a different way, that is more relevant for you.

If you would like to know more get in touch today and we can chat about how I can help you.

 

Gold Letter D D is for Depression

 

 

D for DEPRESSION.

Everybody, at some point in their life, will experience times of deep sadness that are difficult to manage. However if these feelings of sadness persist then you may be experiencing depression.

Depression can feel different for different people but many of the signs and symptoms will be similar, you may feel all of these or only some of these, but you will be aware of an overwhelming feeling that makes life seem like it is too hard to cope with.

*deep feelings of sadness *dark moods *feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness *changes in appetite *changes in sleep patterns *lack of energy *inability to concentrate *lack of interest in things you used to enjoy *withdrawing from friends and family *pre-occupation with death or thoughts of harming yourself.

If you have experienced any of these persistently for a period of time then you should seek help from your GP.

Depression is fairly common, affecting about 1 in 10 people at some point during their life. It affects men and women, young and old.

There are many types of depression here are some:-

1. Major Depression or clinical depression, the most common type, has an effect on your ability to function in daily life. If any of the above symptoms have lasted for more than 2 weeks, then you may be experiencing major depression. 80% of people who seek treatment will see an improvement in 4-6 weeks Changes in lifestyle, counselling and/or medication are all useful interventions.

2. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is directly caused by the time of year and usually occurs in winter months, when day light hours are shorter. Light therapy, counselling and/or medication can help reduce the symptoms.

3. Persistent Depression a chronic depression that lasts for more days than not for a period of at least 2 years. This pervasive and long lasting depression can be helped with medication and/or therapy

4. Postpartum Depression, often referred to as Postnatal depression, is a common occurrence among new mothers. Hormonal changes and lifestyle changes contribute to the onset. Counselling and/or medication can help.

6. Bi-Polar is identified by periods of depression and mania with periods of normal mood in between. It is common for people to experience this for years before diagnosis. The period of mania needs to be identified alongside the depression.

It can be hard to ask for help when you're not feeling good. But the sooner you get help the better it is for your recovery.

If you feel you may have depression call today for a chat, together we can work on reducing the symptoms and how they affect you daily.

I recommend watching the video “I had a Black Dog, his name was Depression” which clearly describes how depression can feel.

 

Gold Letter E E is for Emotion

 

 

E for EMOTIONS

Emotions are our feelings. Literally. We feel them in our bodies, increased heart rate, tingling sensations, heat etc. We can think something, but the physical sensation we experience is the emotion attached to that thought.

Gaining control over your emotions will help you become mentally stronger. Fortunately, anyone can become better at regulating their emotions, but just like any other skill, managing your emotions requires practice and dedication.

During the 1970s, psychologist Paul Eckman identified six basic emotions that he suggested were universally experienced in all human cultures. The emotions he identified were

1. happiness 2. sadness 3. disgust 4. fear 5. surprise 6. anger

Emotions play a critical role in how we live our lives, from influencing how we engage with others in our day to day lives to affecting the decisions we make. By understanding some of the different types of emotions, you can gain a deeper understanding of how these emotions are expressed and the impact they have on your behavior.

Many people struggle with identifying their emotions or controlling their emotions.

Counselling can help you understand your emotions better and through understanding, accepting and controlling your emotions you will find you have a better understand yourself and others around you.

 

Gold letter F F is for Fear

 

F is for FEAR

FEAR is an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried that something bad might happen or might have happened.

FEAR is our most basic human emotion almost from birth we are equipped with survival instincts necessary to respond to fear and keep us safe.

When you sense danger you get a fear response which can be divided into a biochemical response and an emotional response. The biochemical response is the same for everyone the emotional response is personal to you. Your current environment, past environment and past experiences can all have an impact on your emotional response to fear.

When danger is perceived your biochemical response will kick in and high adrenaline levels will trigger your ‘fight or flight’ response, so you can run away from the danger or fight back. ‘Fight or flight’ is an automatic response that is crucial to survival.

You will experience physical symptoms of fear such as racing heart, churning stomach, sweating, the need to go to the toilet etc, preparing you for ‘fight or flight’.

FEAR can be rational or appropriate and irrational or inappropriate. An irrational fear is called a phobia.

Anxiety and fear are different but if you have anxiety you will likely experience the physical symptoms associated with fear regularly. This may be because of your constant worries about danger.

Resilience comes from facing your fears, helping your brain to realise you are not in danger will reduce the likelihood of your biochemical response and stop the fight or flight response and therefore prevent the physical symptoms from occurring.

If fear, phobias or anxiety are a problem for you counselling and especially CBT, can help you find ways to manage them.

 

Look out for the next installment or visit my facebook page to read more

https://www.facebook.com/seeclearcounselling

 

 

Laura Knight Dip.Couns MBACP is a qualified and experienced counsellor based in Poole, Dorset. Her private practice SeeClear Counselling offers affordable, professional counselling when you need it most. www.seeclearcounselling.co.uk

At SeeClear Counselling I offer evening and weekend appointments from my comfortable therapy room in Parkstone Poole and would be happy to talk to you about how we can work together to manage your symptoms and help you back to full mental health, whether you have suffered a knock back or feel you may have been struggling for a while.

I specialise in working with anxiety and panic attacks.

Please call, text or E-mail me to book an appointment. 07975 733029 Laura

 

  • Laura Knight

Updated: Oct 28

 

#therapyroom #safespace #confidentiality #lovemytherapyroom #comfortablespace #counselling #seeclearcounselling

 

As I walked into my therapy room the other day I had an overwhelming sense of calm and warmth hit me, I realised how much this room means to me, and my clients.

It prompted me to write this blog.

 

couch and clock in a therapy roomcouch and clock in a therapy room
My therapy room in Parkstone Poole

This is my wonderful therapy room

There is always a sense of calm when I walk into the room, I like the way it envelopes me, makes me feel at ease, and I want to spend time here in contemplation.

Is it rather odd that the room should feel like this, when so much pain, anger, disappointment, frustration, shame and anguish has been shared in here? I wonder how it manages to erase all that has happened in here and welcome me and others with warmth and affection.

 

I hope others feel its warmth and affection as much as I do, I am sure they do.

I have been told it feels like visiting Grandmas, a place they loved. I have been told it is a place someone looks forward to coming to for the peace and quiet it offers. I have been told it is a safe space to come once a week.

 

Do they feel the room will embrace them in their darkest moments, will bring them comfort at times of distress? Does it welcome them and wrap them in a hug so that they feel safe and protected? I have been told it does.

 

I sense this is a room where some find comfort, a safe place to be themselves.

A place to cry the tears they cannot, or will not, cry outside of it.

A room that allows them to share secrets, to tell the things they cannot, or will not, tell outside.

A room that offers them protection from the abuse of others words and actions.

A room that allows them to feel fear, anger, resentment, hatred, sadness, emptiness.

But at the same time allows them to feel joy, happiness, fulfilment, hope.

 

Some, I feel, come to speak the words they didn't know they could say, haven't been allowed to say before, perhaps discover new words they can speak that are truer than the words they have spoken before.

 

I have been told that some leave the room feeling lighter, they have found a way to understand some of the confusion, they have understood themselves and others in a way that didn't seem possible before.

They have left with hopes and dreams.

 

 

view of the sea with island in the horizonview of the sea with island in the horizon
Let my therpy room take you to a calm and serene place

 

 

This room has kept their secrets, has soothed their wounds, has eased their pain, has bought them happiness.

This room has enabled them to leave and go to a place they didn't know was possible.

 

This room is my room, but it is a room I share with many. They come to my room, my warm, welcoming, calm room to ask the room to provide a safe and protective space and the room honours this and provides that space for them.

This is a room that invites those who are unsure of life to visit.

It opens its arms for them, welcomes them in and helps them find themselves.

This room has many stories to tell, but it will not betray those that visit, it will keep their secrets safe, will keep their words within its four walls. It will hold onto the tears and pain, will keeps its promise and close the door on them.

When they return it reassures them with its warmth and holds them once again, while they explore the places they need to go to.

This is my room, a room I love, a room I created with care and thought, but a room I share with those who need it most. I want others to love this room as much as I do.

This is a room that gives hope.

This room is my friend and a friend to all those who visit.

 

Welcome to my room, let it open its arms to you, to comfort you on a journey to a place you may not have known existed.

 

This is my therapy room, See Clear Counselling, based in Poole, Dorset.

 

 

 

Laura Knight Dip.Couns MBACP is a qualified and experienced counsellor based in Poole, Dorset. Her private practice SeeClear Counselling offers affordable, professional counselling when you need it most. www.seeclearcounselling.co.uk

At SeeClear Counselling I offer evening and weekend appointments from my comfortable therapy room in Parkstone Poole and would be happy to talk to you about how we can work together to manage your symptoms and help you back to full mental health, whether you have suffered a knock back or feel you may have been struggling for a while.

I specialise in working with survivors of childhood abuse.

Please call, text or e-mail me to book an appointment. 07975 733029 laura14k@gmail.com