"Never again!" she said, doing it all over again.

"This is the last time", she swore, starting up the carousel one more time.

"This ends here!" she exclaimed, lining up to the start line.

A mix of decisions blending into a cocktail of forgetfulness. One look is all it takes for her to be unable to see anything else. One word is enough for her to learn all the words to this senseless pop song by heart.

Staring into screens, always looking for more like those people who search for alien life forms - and all of it with the same result anyway. A big fat nothing, followed by a sigh, then a small, feeble "but maybe..."

They say we need hope to grow as people and for civilisation to endure.

Obviously, whomever said this has never,

not once, crumbled into the ashes of their own hopes.

 

Double Espresso

 

Facing my biggest fears on a screen,

drowning in WhatsApp green,

seeing all these faces there -

people

who are all so far away from me.

Nothing can touch them through a screen;

that's out of my control,

it seems like lately everything is like that;

my wings are burnt to a crisp

and I can't face leaving on foot.

 

I wish that "seen" would have a deeper meaning,

and that we'd be able to transcend more than we do

I hope it's not all just smoke and mirrors.

I can't stand it.

They both make me really dizzy.

 

I guess reconnection is something more of a resurrection -

You'd have to be a God to do it as it should be done.

 

 

Updated: Dec 19, 2019

Double Espresso Keep dancing around on icy leaves;

toes frozen,

my ghosts chasing each other,

charging, violently,

mashing into one another,

a whole mess, a disaster made out of

my past and my ennui.

 

Enough - I'm tired,

I want this to end,

And I want it to stay the same

as change plants catastrophic seeds,

and has claws

and big, terrible fangs,

and mutates inside me

and it always hurts so much

and I'm always alone by the end.

 

Keep dancing around on cold, distant thoughts,

on resolutions I don't accept.

I have shoes just a number too big and

my hopes are also loose on me,

since I lost weight in the aftermath

of me running after my ghosts, asking them

to please, please

give me one night's rest.