"The new year has started and I seemed to roll into 2020 without much thought and everything is back to routine again, after the countless feasts in December. Before I even realised it, CNY has arrived and more feasts!"
Sounds familiar? Does marriage life seemed the same too? Year after year, you just roll into your duties and responsibilities. Do both of you have a clear 20/20 vision and have discussed what you hope couple life will be in a new year?
Couples who discuss future visions and plans are better able to manage bumps and flareups along the way. It feels better too that one is not alone and both are onboard with the same dreams and goals.
Arrange a time to chat and enquire each other how 2019 has been. It is not a blaming session but like a review of what's good and what needs improvement.
Appreciate each other for all the good stuff - "I appreciate .......your support, your effort in running the household etc..."
Suggest areas that need improvements - Use gentle startups, "I feel .........", Could we ......(need)". Avoid words "you", "always" and "never"for they are blame statements and invite an argument.
Throw in ideas for 2020 on how to make couple life more fun and and deepen connections. Dr John Gottman talks about Rituals of Connections to build emotional connections and turn towards each other, such as good morning rituals"good morning kiss, hug", welcome home rituals"kiss, hug" and "daily stress reducing conversations". Also plan weekly/monthly couple time and annual family vacations.
Remember to dream together too - listening and supporting each other's dreams and aspirations for the year. Together as a couple, you grow and become better people than on your own.
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up." a quote from King Solomon
All the best and may 2020 bring both of you closer and deeper in your love and care for each other!