Thoughts on the inner goddess, meditation, pagan reaction in Poland and a molecule of archaeology. Might sound like a mess but it all comes together!
My first home, Poland, never made me feel like a goddess on the inside. Neither did my second home, England.
It was only when I went to explore far away lands which until then I merely read and dreamt about. India was first, Uganda second. Both helped me tap into my inner goddess. But also around that same time, the third place were my inner depths. I've never complained about my own company and some friends even accused me of dwelling too much on my own guts. I did and still do. The more I understand myself, the better I understand the world around me. And I need time alone. But what I also do these days when I explore my consciousness is that I regularly practice shutting up (aka meditation, it’s so fucking good). I've discovered that nothing connects me better with me. Especially when I have a mental diarrhoea and thoughts just keep running. I’m a walking chaos and meditation gives me clarity.
Also our brains are hyperactive and we are constantly overstimulated in this era. Did you know that mindfulness and meditation are one of the best ways for our brains to rest? If meditation sounds too big, I recommend doing some conscious breathing. Only a few minutes a day. It’s an amazing technique and even soldiers are taught to practice it in order to calm their bodies. Meditation takes time and practice. Don’t expect your brain to instantly switch off or concentrate when you’ve been practicing distraction for years.
Back to the inner goddess. So was it inaccessible because of the places I was in or the time I was at?
Now, I dropped that all that internal-digestional and philosophical shite on you it’s time to pay attention to my dress. How do you not feel like a goddess in a dress like that? I have to say I designed it myself inspired by Ugandan style gomesi (look at those sleeves) which is a traditional dress in Buganda and Busoga. The dress was made by a local tailor in Acholi Quarters. Thank you Philly.
There is something about those far lands that celebrates femininity and mother Gaia the way home (both current and previous) doesn't. We know that in some cultures in Africa (Ghana for instance) matriarchy is the traditional concept. Although regarding mother Gaia I have to add that my mother injected the appreciation of nature in me a long time before I realised how big of a hippie I was.
There is something else about those far lands. The struggle with some aspects of femininity and the abuse of some women's/human rights the way home (both previous and current) doesn't so much any more.
That something is the still existing pockets of extreme poverty where people get away with all kinds of crimes. After all mass rape, for instance, wasn't uncommon in Europe and only reduced (not even stopped) since certain laws were enforced.
Before my fellow Slavs tell me off for not mentioning Slavic mythology here, yes, I do acknowledge it and I’m a big fan of it (and Devana<3) but I also don’t think it’s particularly present in today’s culture with Christianity being so dominant. Even though, using Poland as an example, it took hundreds of years to make people christian and I say “make” as it wasn’t exactly a matter of choice at the time and most people remained pagan until (more or less) Pagan Reaction in 1030. The belief was imposed and those who didn’t want to convert were punished. It was a long and nasty process that started with a simple political move - baptising the place so that it can call itself a country. Basic history but we forget what it meant for those who lived it.
Let’s go back to the concept of the goddess. It’s easy to assume that what we’ve been raised in is all there is and the ultimate way of being. But the truth is we have only existed for a second and there was so much more before us. We like to think that we know. Questioning after all can be exhausting. Generalisation, however, is an ulcer on a lazy mind. I will leave you with one question. Did you know that God was believed to be a woman for the first 200,000 years of human existence? If in doubt, ask archaeologists.
P.s. Muzungu meaning 'white person'.