As mentioned on twitter I'll be taking a break for a long time now because huzzah, I managed to burn myself out. I don't know how long it'll last but I've been unable to draw anything of decent quality for the past few months now and it doesn't look like that'll change as long as we live the way we do. On top of that my nan has just been diagnosed with cancer. I'm stressed out, fed up with life and for now I'll be on a Hiatus for an indefinite period of time.
Now for those who want to know what's been going on and how it all came to be... let me try and cram 21 years into a few...paragraphs I guess. Apologies in advance for the massive wall of text.
Basically I grew up in a rather abusive household. It was mostly verbal abuse from my mum which took a toll on my mental health over the years. She made me think my own father was a jerk and I believed it until she ran off with some other guy and they got divorced two years ago. She also blamed me for said divorce. Fun!
I developed a fear of people when I was in 5th grade and it got worse over the years. I got bullied, I self-harmed because of said bullying and I became suicidal. Anytime I tried to tell my mother how bad it was for me she dismissed me out of hand, saying mental health problems aren't "real". I kept my problems to myself since.
In year 11 and 12 it was the absolute worst. That was when shit hit the fan at home and my parents divorced. Shortly afterwards my suicidal thoughts became unbearable so Shaun convinced me to call my dad and tell him how I felt for the first time. I was taken to a doctor who sent me to a specialist at a mental health clinic and I was promptly diagnosed with a severe social anxiety disorder and depression. My grades were absolutely horrible because I kept failing my oral exams due to said mental disorder. My classmates thought I was simply lazy as did my teachers. I just sat alone in the corner of the classroom trying to ignore the whole lot of them. In year 11 I was foolish enough to try and make friends with someone who turned out to be nothing but a drug addicted pervert. He wouldn't accept the fact that I was in a long distance relationship, called it "fake" and one night sexually assaulted me.
I was supposed to go to a clinic but that would have meant that I'd barely get to talk to Shaun AND that I'd have to redo college. Our long distance relationship wouldn't have survived that or at least I didn't want to risk it - so I left Germany to permanently move to the UK and live with the love of my life.
Buuut things weren't exactly great once we were in the UK. We lived there with Shaun's dad, his mum, her boyfriend and their two children (Shaun's half-brothers). The kids weren't exactly well behaved and screamed the house down on a regular basis, Shaun's mum shouted abuse at absolutely everything and everyone all. the. time. It became unbearable very quickly. Her boyfriend turned out to be a nutter as well. When Shaun's mum and him had another very loud argument she kicked him out or well...tried to. He had thrown his kid across the room, damaged the TV, a bed and other things. He got pushed outside the door but he kept trying to get back in and even went as far as to grab Shaun's sister by the throat to get her to move out of the way. Later on he climbed into the kitchen to grab a knife and threatened to kill himself if he wasn't allowed back in. And yeah, she let him back in. Shaun's mum called Shaun so many nasty things when he still lived there. She also strangled him before. She was very violent, very aggressive and when we left the last thing she called him was "a useless, ungrateful cunt". We left to live with our friends who were kind enough to let us stay with them.
Well turns out however that living in a tiny one-bedroom flat with four people is unbearable and we're getting on each other's nerves now. We're sleeping on a small, thin mattress in a very small living room, the kitchen is too small to regularly cook so we live off of junkfood, the bathroom is mouldy and the lack of privacy is driving us insane - We want to move out as soon as possible but we'll need about £4000 to do so. If anyone can spare any money at all and if you're feeling generous you can donate here: https://www.paypal.me/hiccupsdoespaypal
Anything that gets donated will be put towards our savings. A big, BIG thanks to anyone who does!
That is pretty much all there is to know. I won't be on twitter for the time being but you can always talk to me privately on discord: HiccupsDoesArt#9766
My patreon will remain active and anything I manage to doodle will be uploaded on there. Commissioners will be refunded in full on the 20th December.
I hope that I can return with more and better artwork and a more positive outlook on the world again. Because as it stands right now I'm pretty hopeless. I don't want to be this negative and make everyone else miserable. I hope I can be my true self someday.
Goodbye for now,