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  • plusthedog

S*itleak (warning - this gets a bit sweary.

In the last 24 hours, no, less then that, 19 hours, we have had 4 leeky nappies. Leeky in a brown sort of a way. From both children. 3 different brands of nappy, put on by 3 different people, all resulting in disaster....we don’t usually get leeky nappies, what is going on?

Last night both a nursery applied nappy on The Girl, and one of my own on The Boy, simontainusly erupted, resulting in everyone going in the bath and a fresh load of washing.

Today, washing out to dry I set off for a hospital appointment for The Girl, followed by a catch-up swimming lesson for her, with a 2-hour gap between to kill because it’s a 40 min drive each way to get home. I agonise over what to do in this gap, too early to go somewhere for lunch, yet I need to feed them because if I wait until midday The Girls lunch won’t have gone down before swimming. So I head for a greasy-spoon type place I know with free parking. Everyone out of the car to the cafe to find it’s closed (normaly open 5am-6pm). Try again.

The next place I try is open, just manic. But they let me warm The Boy’s bottle while we wait for food. As we wait, The Girl complains of a sore bottom, and says she can’t sit down because ‘it wet.’

I can guess why.

But what do you do? Food is ordered and on its way, but I have to abandon my table to take everyone to the loo (which is outside). As I head off, leaving a blanket and my coffee to guard our table I see someone sit down at it, and I have to rush everyone back to explain we are very sorry we are sitting there...

...”alright don’t panic!” Came the reply, but what would have happened if I hadn’t rushed back to explain?

Anyway, sure enough, The Girl has done a poo & it has leeked out of the side of one of the nappies. Tights are no longer useable. The dress has just about survived.

Back at the table The Girl cannot sit down because her bottom is sore, so we fold up a blanket to sit on and carry on. After lunch we head across town for swimming. The Boy has, unusually, fallen asleep, so swimming starts off far calmer then normal. He starts to complain about 20 mins in, but not to desperately so we carry on...by the time we get dressed he has cranked up, and we leave in a flurry of ‘come ons’ and ‘hurry ups.’ I get The Girl strapped into the car and think, ‘I’ll just lift him out of his car seat to see if he’s ok...’

Oh! Has he done a little vommie?

Nope! That’s shit! As I lift him up a bit of it falls out of the nappy. I balance him on my knee to assess the damage.

There is shit on the car seat. Shit on his clothes, his feet, his hands. Now there is shit on my jeans and on the pavement. Every time I move him, more shit gets on stuff. I can’t put him back in his car seat, I can’t put him in the boot of the car (buggy) I can’t really lie him on the pavement (can I?!) And anyway, the pavement is now covered in shit.

Theres shit in my hands and falling off him as I move the buggy from the boot of the car and wrestle out the changing mat. He is a sweaty, screaming shitbomb, and I can’t do anything with him for spreading the shit. I burn through half a packet of wet wipes as I try to get it off everything, and everything gets more on it when I do from his flailing feet and probably my hands....cleaned up and calmed down I put him, naked but for a nappy (clothes covered in Shit), into his car seat, and we set off home with him whimpering and the car smelling like a farmyard because there is still some shit somewhere, I just don’t know where!

There’s more washing to be done when I get in. Clearly, the gods of shit have it in for me. I seriously hope they’re done, because I have to walk the dog shortly...

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